The Eurovision Song Contest came into being some 50 years ago, and in the UK it has become a bit of a joke, particularly for Terry Wogan, who seems to get hours of material out of it.

In the UK it may be a constant source of humour but for many smaller European countries Eurovision provides a unique opportunity for them to show off and make their presence felt on an international stage.

Eurovision also gives certain countries the chance to settle a few old scores. Take Greece and Turkey they never vote for each other on the basis of long running territorial disputes. At this year’s Eurovision there were even accusations of an anti-Western bias with the big four, France, Spain, the UK and Germany all filling the last four positions of the scoreboard.

I thought Eurovision would be a great way to garner a bit of European recognition, and with Sir Banks and Sir Wag at my side I thought we would gain the support of the BBC and automatic entry. How wrong I was. The BBC decided that our song ‘Stop The Mugging and Start the Hugging ‘wasn’t up to scratch’. Clearly these guys have never actually seen Eurovision!! Don’t they remember Sweden’s 1984 winning entry 'Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley'

Anyone got any ideas for 2006?

People all over the world
All ladies, men, and girls (and boys)
Stop the mugging and start the hugging
And tidy up the world

People all over the land
Come join my happy band
Quit the robbing, go bob-a-jobbing
And lend a helping hand

Respectdue to the Eurovision Crew
I’m here to conquer Europe
Second place will never do
It’s time to save the planet
And the dolphins on crack
Rewind your videos before you take them back

People all over the world
All ladies, men, and girls (and boys)
Stop the mugging and start the hugging
And let your love unfurl